After reading a blog post I found myself agreeing with the mom and remembering the hard time I had after having Dillon and feeling like not many people understood.
Here is the original blog I read
http://www.scarymommy.com/grieving-birth-plan/?utm_source=FB
I remember being in the ICU and feeling like I was grieving, I had tons of reminders of how lucky I was I was the one sick and not Dillon and that we would both be OK but I still felt I had lost out on so many things I had looked forward to. Those first few days were suppose to be so precious with us bonding as a new family, getting to know my little one outside my belly but instead it felt like it was all a dream and I never actually had a baby. I also questioned if I ever would see him again as my levels rose and the antibiotics continued to change without seeming to help. I am so grateful that we are both healthy now and I know this is our story and just the first of many chapters for my son and I but it doesn't change how I felt. I didn't so much mind not having him "naturally" because at that point all I cared about was him being born safely but I do hate that I didn't get to introduce him to everyone and see their first interactions. I would be lying if I said when we do decide to have another child, I am not scared to death but I pray it will have the same outcome, momma and baby healthy! I hope when the time comes I don't let my first delivery experience ruin this new experience because it too will be the first of many chapters for that baby and I. Many people, especially my nurses didn't and dont understand why it was so hard for me to be away from Dillon especially since he was healthy but it was more a grieving for what I wanted the first few days as a momma to be. It was not getting to see his first bath or hear him coo or even scream, it was not rocking him to sleep or feeding him, it was the idea of our first chances to bond being taken away. But now I am grateful we are healthy and I am grateful we have such a good bond and I am forever grateful to everyone who helped me through that hard time.
