Allergies

it’s been a rough couple of months with Dillon. He has been having massive tantrums and started waking up to night terrors multiple times a night. It has been so challenging and I had no idea what was setting it all off. I started thinking about when they started and realized it was around the same time he started taking Zyrtec daily. We decided to try to wean him off of it and see what happened. Today is day 5 without it and I cannot believe the change. He hasn’t woken up the last 4 nights and he is already much more patient, relaxed, and loving. He’s still three and tests limits and has mild meltdowns but NOTHING compared to what was going on. It got to the point that I was afraid to go anywhere alone not knowing what was going to set him off and I was concerned about what was going on but to see this sweet boy back makes my momma heart happy and seriously there are moments when he has asked to snuggle or to hold mason that bring tears to my eyes because a week ago neither would have happened

It’s hard to believe it’s been a year

It’s hard to believe this was a year ago.

A year ago I seriously didn’t know how I was going to make it through each day and everyday seemed to drag on. I would wake up before Dillon, get a huge thing of water and snacks to make sure I stayed hydrated, get ready, drive to the hospital and sit with Dean waiting to see each doctor and get updates, then would drive home to play with Dillon for a few hours before he had to go to bed. I seriously couldn’t have done it without my parents and family constantly being there and taking over with Dillon and bring Dillon to visit when he was allowed too

but it was so exhausting physically being 9 months pregnant and driving back and forth and emotionally being torn between being with Dillon at home and being with Dean at the hospital. I seriously felt like it wasn’t going to end. Dean was exactly 30 days  post op when he woke me up because he was throwing up blood and we rushed to the ER.

The ER didn’t waste time and immediately got him a bed and through I don’t even know how many tests. It was the longest 3 days and I remember the panic and heart break like it happened yesterday. Just when I was feeling “safe” after his cancer diagnosis this happened and I once again was faced with the thought of losing my husband, not knowing how I would tell the boys, and the fear of raising the boys without Dean. Thankfully the bleeding stopped and they were able to send us home to all be together. I remember being relieved to be home and yet so scared. Every time he coughed I held my breath worried he would start bleeding again and at night I set alarms to make sure he was ok throughout the night. It was nice to have him home but we were also preparing for him to go into quarantine in just 3 short weeks. From October 13th to December 11th of 2017 I pretty much held my breath unsure of what would happen next just trying to keep life as normal as possible for Dillon and not let him feel our stress or worry. It was the longest three months of my life and I hope to NEVER repeat it. It seems like it was just yesterday and I still don’t know how we went through everything and know we never could have done it without my amazing family!
Then on December 12th we went to what wound up being my last dr appt as we were sent directly to the hospital to have a csection because of preeclampsia. It was one of the best days of my life and felt like it was Gods way of saying you made it, it’s all over, you are safe and now can enjoy this beautiful new life. Mason  was the rainbow after that terrible storm and I was so happy Dean was able to be there for his birth and that we were all healthy and together as a family of four to celebrate.

2018 has been a much better year full of family and making memories because 2017 made me realize how precious time is and how you never know what can happen in the blink of an eye. I will never forget last year but have chosen to use it as a blessing and eye opener to see what is truly important and remember to enjoy every minute, even the rough days. 

1 year

Dean had his one year scans and the results were pretty good but not exactly what we were hoping for. On his first follow up scans there was one enlarged lymph node that they weren’t sure if it was enlarged due to treatment or possibly cancerous so they decided to watch it. This scan the lymph node has grown not significantly but bigger. It’s still not definite that it’s cancer but they are a bit more concerned. Since it’s shape and size are still within “standards” they want to wait for the next set of scans before repeating treatment.
The positive is it doesn’t mean it is cancer and if it is it’s not that the cancer has returned it’s just that they didn’t get it all the first time which they explained could happen. But it still wasn’t the all clear we were hoping for and the idea of treatment again isn’t really something we wanted to hear. It also means we can’t begin the 10 year countdown. Once he has 10 years of clean scans it means his risk of getting cancer is the same as anyone else’s. It has taken me a little while to post this because I wanted to really digest it and be ok with it before posting. In all honesty waiting a couple months for more scans scares me because what could happen in that time but it hasn’t been fast growing to this point and I need to trust his doctors and also put this in God’s hands knowing he has a plan. Treatment is something else I’m just not ready for and not looking forward to in any way so I’m continuing to pray he won’t need it but I realize we have survived it once so we will get through it again, the quarantine just isn’t fun and I know it will be hard on the boys.
So overall good news we were just hoping to start marking off the years and hearing it was all clear. God has a plan and is there for us through everything we just need to trust in him and put this in his hands.

Slowing down

Some days are rough Mason will be extra fussy and won’t sleep or Dillon will figure out how to push every single one of my buttons and acts like he is trying to get in trouble and some days they both act up all day. But then there are the days when everything just flows and works.  Today we made a tissue paper turkey craft, banana muffins(Dillon made them almost completely on his own I just measured the ingredients and took them in and out of the oven) and now we are enjoying lunch. 

I asked Dillon if he liked his lunch and he said yea it’s really good thank you momma 

It seriously just made my day! He is so sweet and caring but sometimes life gets hectic and well he is 3 and still testing limits but I’m trying to slow down let him help even if it means a mess and enjoy our days and moments!