Mom life

Having a newborn isn't easy, having a toddler and a newborn is no joke. Some days I feel like I'm drowning and so overwhelmed and other days (like today) are exactly how I thought having two boys would be. 

Today Mason is 5 weeks old and I'm colmpletely back to being able to do everything with out worrying about my incision. 

We don't get much sleep and the boys I swear are teamed up together to take turns sleeping so I don't get sleep but it's ok because they are worth it and it gives me time with each of them alone while the other is sleeping. 

For the most part Dillon has done amazing if anything he loves his brother too much and doesn't want to keep his hands off of him. He definitely was expecting Mason to be born older and already ready to play but he is enjoying the fact that Mason is already more alert. I love how every morning the first thing Dillon does is ask where "Masey Bear" is and goes over gives him a kiss and in the cutest voice says I love you and when we're driving and Mason is mad about the car seat Dillon tells him it's ok were almost there lol so cute. But don't get me wrong sometimes his jealousy shows and tantrums are a new occurrence with him but he's already getting better and we know this is such a huge change for him as well. The hardest part is explaining to him why momma has to feed him especially with how much Mason eats, if it's been a rough day Dillon insists Mason isn't hungry and eo3snt need to eat lol. Dillons loves taking baths with Mason but his favorite thing to do is grab my nursing pillow and hold Mason on his lap. Dillon is definitely happy momma can pick him up again and we are getting out of the house more which he loves. We are trying to plan special outings with Dillon to make the transition smoother and help us all get some fresh air and have fun. 

Mason is growing like crazy and eating nonstop. He has his fussy hours at night which isn't easy especially nights before Dean works because then I am up all night with Mason and up early with Dillon but some nights he is just awake and not fussy which is so much more fun (obviously). He is starting to coo and play more on his mat or in the bath and his vision is getting stronger so he actually likes to look around and watch the soothers. 

Dean started back to both jobs this week which is definitely a bigger challenge it means 3 12 hr shifts and 2 8-10 hr shifts but he loves his jobs and it allows me to stay home with the boys. 

Some days are hard especially if Dillon had a rough night, some days we don't get out of pajamas and nothing gets done, but other days make up for it with adventures and days full of playing. Some days I'm so tired I feel like I could collapse but other days I get a little more sleep and can actually be productive. I don't know the last time I did my hair and showers are usually short because either Mason is hungry or Dillon wants momma. Meals are eaten with one hand and eaten as fast as i can,  most of my days are spent feeding Mason and playing with Dillon at the same time, and we have had to cancel plans due to a fussy baby (thank you to my family for taking Dillon so he doesn't have to miss out), and take 5 times as long to do anything between stopping to breastfeed and just trying to get out of the house but all of this chaos is worth it because my heart has never been so full. I worried how I would have enough love for both of them but somehow I seem to love them both even more.  I feel so blessed to be their momma and am so excited for the months and years to come. Even though the nights are long and some days are rough I wouldn't change it for the world because I have been so incredibly blessed by these little boys. 

Breastfeeding

With Dillon I was not allowed to breastfeed, between the infection, 7 different antibiotics, and my milk not coming in I had no choice but to formula feed which I didn't mind, fed is best and he was happy and gaining weight. But I wondered if I would ever be able to breastfeed because my mom's milk never came in on time and since my milk didnt come in with Dillon I was told it could be hereditary.
With Mason I was determined to try and bought everything I could so I would be prepared. With Dillon I was able to give him colostrum for the first 12 hrs until my infection started and he had a GREAT latch and immediately found it when placed on my chest he was an easy Breastfeeder. With Mason I just thought it would go the same but it didn't. He didn't try to find the breast so I would have to wake him up and try to get him to latch then he had a tongue tie and wouldn't latch right which caused pain. Luckily his tongue tie has stretched, his latch is great, and there is no more pain but it still is harder than I expected.
I GIVE ALL BREASTFEEDING MOMS MAD CREDIT!!
Mason eats roughly every hour and a half to two hours if I'm lucky (sometimes it's every 45 mins to an hour). I seriously feed ALL day unless I pump and then take a break by giving him pumped milk from a bottle. Luckily he has no problem with nipple confusion. I didn't realize how much breast feeding takes, it's not like a bottle fed baby that rests in between feeds and goes 3-4 hrs easy in between feeds and you can't really take a break unless you pump but then you are attached to a pump for at least 10 mins. You really don't get a break when you choose to breastfeed.
They also a rent kidding when they say baby can smell you, sometimes it's so hard for me to calm him because he can smell me and thinks he should be eating if he is with me. So its challenging to only be able to calm him by feeding him.
Then comes all the questions with breastfeeding, can I take this medicine or use this oil while breastfeeding? Is he getting enough? Is he still hungry or just fussy? Is he gassy from something I ate? How is he still eating (some days I have fed 3 hrs straight)?  With formula most of these arent issues.
Then comes all the changes with your breasts. I didn't realize how easily they get engorged and how painful It really is. If Mason goes over 3 hrs (usually when we supplement with formula) and I haven't pumped OMG I'm dying. I never expected that, i have heard of the cracking and bleeding but never heard about the pain and how often you get engorged.
But through all of this I'm not complaining more just saying how I was unaware just how hard it is to breastfeed and truly understand why they say nursing mom's are superheroes. Especially with the fact that breastfeeding is also very exhausting emotionally and physically. I totally believe now that you burn on average 500 calories while breastfeeding because it literally drains you.
But I'm proud to say I'm still breastfeeding even though we have started supplementing at night because he just isn't getting satisfied with my milk at night but that's ok again FED IS BEST.
Also I'm not saying formula feeding is easy it comes with it's own set of demands and challenges.
FED IS BEST. And being a parent of a newborn is hard, exhausting, and challenging no matter what is best for each baby.
I have considered giving up a handful of times but with it being cold and flu season I know breastfeeding is a major plus and I feel like this is something I never expected to be able to do so just giving up isn't an option because I feel lucky I have the chance to breast feed. Will we make it a year probably not but we have made it four weeks and I'm going to take it day by day and hopefully make it at least 2 months and see from there. This hasn't been easy but it's worth it.