I have always been very shy and as I have shared in previous blogs suffer from depression and anxiety. But something that started after I had Dillon was I have very bad social anxiety. It's not even shy, I seriously have panic attacks over it.
The idea of going somewhere makes me anxious but add meeting up with people or being gone for more than an hour and my palms are sweaty, my heart races, and I just want to cancel every plan I have.
It doesn't even have to be going to meet people even having people over gives me anxiety and it doesn't have to be new people or people I hardly see but even people that I love dearly.
That's my honest reason why I don't hangout very much anymore or grab lunch with friends. I have always been shy and well a bit antisocial I guess but more well I'm a home body but that was by choice now its due to anxiety.
The anxiety starts when I start making plans but I can usually talk myself down, then I wake up the morning of those plans and find every thing I possibly can to stay busy and not think about it. Then I get ready and get Dillon ready and start having a full blown panic attack. Once there or once friends come over I always have fun and am happy I was actually able to go. Then comes the drive home where I second guess everything I said and question if I looked like an idiot, offended anyone, talked enough, how Dillon was, how was I with Dillon (did I pay to much attention to him?), etc.
Another part of the social anxiety is big groups, if there are alot of people or conversations happening at once I start to freak out and just want to leave. Even in aisles at stores if there are to many people I will wait for it to calm done.
It is really odd and I have no idea why it has started but it is the reason I didn't have many people over once we got settled to meet Dillon or why I say "we need to get together" but never follow up, it is the reason I am very quiet in big groups and hardly ever invite people over.
Even writing this blog gives me anxiety and I have questioned writing it a million times. I don't want people to not make plans with me because they don't want to stress me out, more I want to explain why I have been distant and let you know if I reach out at all even via text I truly value our friendship and do want to see you its just is a little harder but I am working on it. And am going to stress myself out and push myself to join a mommy and me class so Dillon can be around kids and hopefully I can get through this.
I also started blogging again to relieve stress and hopefully help other moms know they aren't alone and let everyone know I love them and value them and am trying.
Friday, January 22, 2016
Tuesday, January 19, 2016
It's just a phase
Its crazy how little ones go through phases.
Dillon slept in his crib no problem until he was about 7 months old. Then he got really sick and after 2 urgent care visits, the ER, and a doctors appointment I worried having him in his crib so we decided to co-sleep while he was sick. Well obviously after two weeks of sleeping in momma and dadas bed the crib was no longer an option. Even naps he would wake up the second we laid him in the crib. So we have slowly been working on getting him back in the crib especially for naps.
But one thing that started along with co-sleeping is he no longer wanted to be rocked, he wanted to lay down next to us to fall asleep. A new phase that definitely took some getting used to.
Then about a week ago naps and bed time became a huge struggle and the past three days it takes over and hour and a half of picking him up and laying him down, him screaming bloody murder, and biting me to get him to finally fall asleep. Last night my sister came over after I had been trying over an hour to get him down and offered to give me a break. She took him in his room and bounced him like she used to when he was a baby and within minutes he was out. Today, his first nap I follow our routine and lay him down next to me. After about 10 minutes I decide to go in his room and rock him like I used to, what could it hurt. Miraculously within 5 minutes he was sound asleep AND IN HIS CRIB!
So nap number two for the day, I decide to try the rocking chair. . . three minutes, no struggle, no crying, no biting he is out and again in his crib!!
I guess this is just another phase and I'm totally loving it!! Reminds me of when he was just born and we lived in this rocking chair :)
Dillon slept in his crib no problem until he was about 7 months old. Then he got really sick and after 2 urgent care visits, the ER, and a doctors appointment I worried having him in his crib so we decided to co-sleep while he was sick. Well obviously after two weeks of sleeping in momma and dadas bed the crib was no longer an option. Even naps he would wake up the second we laid him in the crib. So we have slowly been working on getting him back in the crib especially for naps.
But one thing that started along with co-sleeping is he no longer wanted to be rocked, he wanted to lay down next to us to fall asleep. A new phase that definitely took some getting used to.
Then about a week ago naps and bed time became a huge struggle and the past three days it takes over and hour and a half of picking him up and laying him down, him screaming bloody murder, and biting me to get him to finally fall asleep. Last night my sister came over after I had been trying over an hour to get him down and offered to give me a break. She took him in his room and bounced him like she used to when he was a baby and within minutes he was out. Today, his first nap I follow our routine and lay him down next to me. After about 10 minutes I decide to go in his room and rock him like I used to, what could it hurt. Miraculously within 5 minutes he was sound asleep AND IN HIS CRIB!
So nap number two for the day, I decide to try the rocking chair. . . three minutes, no struggle, no crying, no biting he is out and again in his crib!!
Monday, January 18, 2016
Where did the time go
Tonight, I was sitting here looking on Pinterest, Google, buy buy baby, and Amazon for things for Dillon's first birthday party/pictures. I suddenly realized that we are a month and a half from him being a year old.
I almost felt like I was going to have a panic attack. How has his first year of life gone so quickly?
Everyone always tells you time flies but when you are going day to day, it is hard to realize how quickly time is ticking. Even though I have watched him hit various milestones, grow, and learn it still shocks me we are so close to the one year mark. I want to freeze time and just keep him as my baby forever but at the same time am eager to continue to watch him grow and achieve. I want to treasure every second even more, hug him a little tighter, and enjoy (well try to) washing bottles, changing diapers, and folding the endless piles of tiny baby clothes because I am realizing how that will eventually be a thing of the past.
Yes, he is only going to be one but with how quickly this year went I can only imagine how fast the next couple years will go.
As I am typing this one handed, my little man is snuggled up laying on my other arm. I love his snuggles and can't help but want to lay here with him while he sleeps , imagining all the glory his future will hold.
Every day with you is a blessing, Dillon. I love celebrating every little milestone (like learning how to get off the couch/bed without face planting) with you. I love watching how excited you get to watch Bob the builder, Mickey mouse, Paw Patrol, or Dinosaur train and how you start dancing to every song. I love watching your bond with your Dada, auntie, nana, and Papa and how excited you get to see friends or other kids. And most importantly I love when you wrap your tiny arms around me and give me hugs and kisses, or the smile you get when you see me, I love playing hide and seek with you, and watching you explore. Never lose your stubbornness or temper because with your strong will you can achieve anything you put your mind to and I hope you never lose that gleam of excitement in your eyes as you enter each day. God has big plans for you little man and if you follow his path I guarantee he has a wonderful adventure planned for you
Love forever and always
Xoxo
Your momma
I almost felt like I was going to have a panic attack. How has his first year of life gone so quickly?
Yes, he is only going to be one but with how quickly this year went I can only imagine how fast the next couple years will go.
As I am typing this one handed, my little man is snuggled up laying on my other arm. I love his snuggles and can't help but want to lay here with him while he sleeps , imagining all the glory his future will hold.
Love forever and always
Xoxo
Your momma
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