1 year ago, Friday the 13th

1 year ago today, Friday the 13th! We were supposed to get the keys to our house so we schedule spectrum to come install everything at 6pm and packed three cars full of furniture and cleaning supplies and mattresses and waited for the call that we were good to go. Then we got an unexpected call, making sire Friday the 13th lived up to its reputation, and were told we would not be getting keys until Monday because they had messed up some paperwork. Disappointed, I called the sellers agent and they approved me still meeting the spectrum guy and getting everything set up with them at least. I started the drive with a four month old baby who HATED (still does) his car seat and a Tahoe packed full. We made it to the Ontario mills before I could no longer take the crying and had to pull over. I called my dad in tears telling him I was canceling spectrum, Mason wasnt having it, we would try again on Monday (dean was at work) just to have him say we just got the call that they fixed the paperwork and we got the KEYS! I went from crying from frustration to crying from excitement! I fed Mason and got him to take a nap, then continued our drive up the  mountain. As we reached the top of the town spectrum called and had to reschedule for Monday because they didn't realize they would need to run all new wires. They ran the wires while we cleaned but then left to come back on Monday to set everything up. We did all the cleaning and unloaded the cars, and got dinner from the same restaurant we ate at when Dean and I got engaged. The boys fell asleep during all the craziness so we packed them in the car and headed back to Chino for the night.

 Saturday and Sunday we rented a moving truck and did at least 4 trips back and forth going from 90 degree weather to 60 degree weather. Saturday we spent our first night in the house and I was so nervous how the boys would adjust this was Masons first time sleeping anywhere but the Chino house and Dillons first time in his own room any where other than Chino, but they surprised me and adjusted perfectly! In that one weekend we completely moved in and decorated. It was just 6 adults (Dean, Ann, Alan, Sarah, Ryan, and myself) a four month old and a three year old. Going up and down the stairs, driving up and down the hill, packing the moving truck, unpacking the moving truck, setting up each room, unpacking all the boxes, and cleaning! It was insane but we did it and it is a weekend I will NEVER forget. 

The house has changed soo much since we moved in and is definitely now our home. It is definitely a change of pace and I love the small town community, you definitely experience EVERY season up here (and lucky us had our first winter and the worst one they have had in a decade 🤦‍♀️ hello snow chains and shoveling feet of snow every morning after you just cleared it the day before 🤷‍♀️ definitely was a good workout), and see so much wild life every day! The boys love our adventures even if it is just walking around our street looking at all the trees and animals. Its funny how it seems as if we moved in just last weekend but at the same time I feel like we have owned this house for years! 

We have experienced so much this past year and I am excited to get even more involved in our community in the years to come and see how much continues to change as the years go by.

Allergies

it’s been a rough couple of months with Dillon. He has been having massive tantrums and started waking up to night terrors multiple times a night. It has been so challenging and I had no idea what was setting it all off. I started thinking about when they started and realized it was around the same time he started taking Zyrtec daily. We decided to try to wean him off of it and see what happened. Today is day 5 without it and I cannot believe the change. He hasn’t woken up the last 4 nights and he is already much more patient, relaxed, and loving. He’s still three and tests limits and has mild meltdowns but NOTHING compared to what was going on. It got to the point that I was afraid to go anywhere alone not knowing what was going to set him off and I was concerned about what was going on but to see this sweet boy back makes my momma heart happy and seriously there are moments when he has asked to snuggle or to hold mason that bring tears to my eyes because a week ago neither would have happened

It’s hard to believe it’s been a year

It’s hard to believe this was a year ago.

A year ago I seriously didn’t know how I was going to make it through each day and everyday seemed to drag on. I would wake up before Dillon, get a huge thing of water and snacks to make sure I stayed hydrated, get ready, drive to the hospital and sit with Dean waiting to see each doctor and get updates, then would drive home to play with Dillon for a few hours before he had to go to bed. I seriously couldn’t have done it without my parents and family constantly being there and taking over with Dillon and bring Dillon to visit when he was allowed too

but it was so exhausting physically being 9 months pregnant and driving back and forth and emotionally being torn between being with Dillon at home and being with Dean at the hospital. I seriously felt like it wasn’t going to end. Dean was exactly 30 days  post op when he woke me up because he was throwing up blood and we rushed to the ER.

The ER didn’t waste time and immediately got him a bed and through I don’t even know how many tests. It was the longest 3 days and I remember the panic and heart break like it happened yesterday. Just when I was feeling “safe” after his cancer diagnosis this happened and I once again was faced with the thought of losing my husband, not knowing how I would tell the boys, and the fear of raising the boys without Dean. Thankfully the bleeding stopped and they were able to send us home to all be together. I remember being relieved to be home and yet so scared. Every time he coughed I held my breath worried he would start bleeding again and at night I set alarms to make sure he was ok throughout the night. It was nice to have him home but we were also preparing for him to go into quarantine in just 3 short weeks. From October 13th to December 11th of 2017 I pretty much held my breath unsure of what would happen next just trying to keep life as normal as possible for Dillon and not let him feel our stress or worry. It was the longest three months of my life and I hope to NEVER repeat it. It seems like it was just yesterday and I still don’t know how we went through everything and know we never could have done it without my amazing family!
Then on December 12th we went to what wound up being my last dr appt as we were sent directly to the hospital to have a csection because of preeclampsia. It was one of the best days of my life and felt like it was Gods way of saying you made it, it’s all over, you are safe and now can enjoy this beautiful new life. Mason  was the rainbow after that terrible storm and I was so happy Dean was able to be there for his birth and that we were all healthy and together as a family of four to celebrate.

2018 has been a much better year full of family and making memories because 2017 made me realize how precious time is and how you never know what can happen in the blink of an eye. I will never forget last year but have chosen to use it as a blessing and eye opener to see what is truly important and remember to enjoy every minute, even the rough days. 

1 year

Dean had his one year scans and the results were pretty good but not exactly what we were hoping for. On his first follow up scans there was one enlarged lymph node that they weren’t sure if it was enlarged due to treatment or possibly cancerous so they decided to watch it. This scan the lymph node has grown not significantly but bigger. It’s still not definite that it’s cancer but they are a bit more concerned. Since it’s shape and size are still within “standards” they want to wait for the next set of scans before repeating treatment.
The positive is it doesn’t mean it is cancer and if it is it’s not that the cancer has returned it’s just that they didn’t get it all the first time which they explained could happen. But it still wasn’t the all clear we were hoping for and the idea of treatment again isn’t really something we wanted to hear. It also means we can’t begin the 10 year countdown. Once he has 10 years of clean scans it means his risk of getting cancer is the same as anyone else’s. It has taken me a little while to post this because I wanted to really digest it and be ok with it before posting. In all honesty waiting a couple months for more scans scares me because what could happen in that time but it hasn’t been fast growing to this point and I need to trust his doctors and also put this in God’s hands knowing he has a plan. Treatment is something else I’m just not ready for and not looking forward to in any way so I’m continuing to pray he won’t need it but I realize we have survived it once so we will get through it again, the quarantine just isn’t fun and I know it will be hard on the boys.
So overall good news we were just hoping to start marking off the years and hearing it was all clear. God has a plan and is there for us through everything we just need to trust in him and put this in his hands.

Slowing down

Some days are rough Mason will be extra fussy and won’t sleep or Dillon will figure out how to push every single one of my buttons and acts like he is trying to get in trouble and some days they both act up all day. But then there are the days when everything just flows and works.  Today we made a tissue paper turkey craft, banana muffins(Dillon made them almost completely on his own I just measured the ingredients and took them in and out of the oven) and now we are enjoying lunch. 

I asked Dillon if he liked his lunch and he said yea it’s really good thank you momma 

It seriously just made my day! He is so sweet and caring but sometimes life gets hectic and well he is 3 and still testing limits but I’m trying to slow down let him help even if it means a mess and enjoy our days and moments! 

Thanking God

Update on Dean:
These past few weeks Dean has had some weird symptoms of thyroid issues so we reached out to his Doctor who agreed something wasn't right and ordered tests.
Thursday afternoon we got the results of the first tests and to be honest they scared me. His TSH level was extremely elevated (should be below 3 and was 34). This meant one of two things: 1) his medication dosage just isnt high enough 2) his cancer came back. We again reached out to his doctor, hoping for so reassurance that it was just medication, and asked if this was a reason to be concerned the cancer was in fact back. Friday morning he responded that he had already ran further tests to see if in fact the cancer was back but to up his medicine dose in the mean time and we should have results in the next few weeks. This was not the answer i was hoping for but we took a deep breath, prayed, and knew God would get us through whatever it was.
This evening we heard from his doctor, his thyroidglobulin levels are down from 27 when he had cancer to 1 point something!! So his doctor believes it is just that his medication dose was too low. THANK GOD
He will take the higher dose for 6 weeks and then retest, if all is good then he will retest in April and do a ultrasound just to be sure there is nothing suspicious.
He is still waiting to schedule his follow up brochoscopy and hopefully that will all be good results as well.
Its still weird to me to think Dean had cancer and its moments like these that are reminders. I think why it doesnt seem real is because we had so much going on and had no choice but to face it and move forward. We also went into the surgery thinking it wasnt cancer than were shocked to find out it was but the main treatment (surgery) was over so we didnt have time to sit and worry about options or stages or if it had spread, that part was over and he just had to heal. So it really all seems surreal and like he just had surgery, its when we have to do follow up checks and testing that we both really realize he had cancer.
We are so thankful it was caught and treated and that so far it looks like the treatment worked. We are still praying it us just a doage issue but are choosing to not worry and trust in God's plan.

Different yet alike

I can't believe how different and yet how alike both my boys are. The older Mason gets the more they look alike but their personalities are completely different and how they were/are as babies is completely different.

Dillon formula fed

Mason breastfed

Dillon constantly spit up

Mason rarely spits up

Dillon always had fists and arched his back

Mason is very relaxed (except for a few hours of fussing)

Dillon hated his carseat

Mason doesnt mind it (except at night)

Dillon slept in his crib from night one

Mason refuses the crib

Dillon could be comforted by various people
Mason wants momma
Dillon refused pacifiers
Mason loves his wubbanub
Dillon hated to be swaddled or wrapped up
Mason loves being wrapped in a blanket
Dillon had blonde hair
Mason has brown/red hair

They both do love baths and their baths bring them comfort

They both lost the hair on the top of their heads and look/looked like little old men

I always thought Dillon grew so quickly and was always at the top of the growth chart because he was formula fed but now with Mason I realize we just have big kids because Mason is following right in Dillons footsteps with growth even being breastfed