Becoming a Mommy

I, for years, struggled with female issues. My periods were always heavy, my cramps were so bad for days I was stuck in bed throwing up, they were always irregular, and I was continuously getting ovarian cysts. I was put on birth control to try to "regulate my hormones" but all they did was make me a emotional roller coaster. When I went off of them my symptoms only got worse... finally after being married for a year we were told we should try to conceive because there was a chance I would not be able to and it would hopefully "regulate my hormones". By this point my cramps lasted a week before I would start, the week of my cycle, and the week after my cycle and my cycles lasted around 42 days instead of the normal 28. So we started tracking everything like my doctor said, after a year of trying, we realized it wasn't working and after starting even more tracking I wasn't ovulating. My doctor started me on hormone treatment to try to get me to ovulate I was allowed to do three rounds of the hormone and on the third round not only did we get that dreaded negative test but I was in so much pain they sent me for an ultrasound. I, at that point, had three ovarian cysts and had to have surgery. My follow up from surgery my doctor said the words no woman ever wants to hear, "You most likely won't be able to conceive". She went on to tell me I could try in-vitro fertilization but there was not a high chance of that working since I was not ovulating and as for my symptoms here exact words were "you will just have to be on pain killers the rest of your life".

      Now, let me back track a little bit. For months I would "have symptoms" and get my hopes up that for the first time I would see a little positive sign on the test, I would dream of how I would tell my husband or our families or announce it to all our friends but every month I would see the negative and tell myself it was ok and it would happen next month even though I would be so upset on the inside, I would feel as though I was failing as a woman and as a wife, and I would feel my dream of being a mommy was drifting farther and farther away. 

Walking out of the doctors I was just in shock, didn't know what to say, we got in the car and I fell apart. Dean and I spent hours discussing it and decided we wanted to get a second opinion and find a new doctor. We also decided we would begin the adoption process in January of 2015 if we had not conceived then and we would pray and trust in God's plan. The first few months, I won't lie, I did not want to have to fall back on adoption and I would still get my hopes up just to be disappointed by a negative. Dean started talking to some friends from school and one of them suggested I ask my doctor about PCOS (Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome) and if diagnosed to ask to try Metformin a medication that not only helps with the symptoms but also helps with infertility. We met with a new doctor and brought up the PCOS he looked over my medical history and after testing finally diagnosed me with PCOS. I began the metformin in March and my doctor said if I was not pregnant after three months to make another appointment and we could adjust the dosage. My symptoms started to get better and my cycles went down to a normal 28 days and for the first time ever I got a positive ovulation test! But on day 28 I started my period and was beyond disappointed. The first month I had a positive ovulation test but the next two months never showed a positive ovulation test. By the middle of June my "symptoms" were starting to get worse again and I scheduled a appointment for June 30th. June 24th Dean's birthday I realized it was day 28 of my cycle and I had not started but I figured my cycle would just be longer again. June 27th I decided to take a pregnancy test and not tell Dean because I "knew it would never be positive".

 I took the test that morning after Dean left for school and walked away as I always did. I came back and there was a positive!! No, that cant be right I must be seeing things, so I walked away again (as if some how the positive would change). OMG IT IS STILL POSITIVE!!!!! And that is the day I found out I would become a MOMMY!

 I was 4 weeks and 6 days but the struggles of becoming a mommy didn't stop there. . . My first Ultrasound the sac was empty and the technician told Dean and I "not to get our hopes up the chances the pregnancy was viable were slim and I should prepare myself to never hear the heartbeat and we should not tell anyone because our next ultrasound we would most likely find out I miss carried". I didn't even wait to get in the car this Dr. appointment I started crying and could hardly breath! The day that was supposed to be one of the best days of our lives, the day we saw our baby for the first time, became one of the worst days of my life. We scheduled an appointment for two weeks later and went home to wait through what would be the LONGEST two weeks of our lives. After crying for a couple hours I finally told myself again it was all part of God's plan and at least we found out I could conceive. Now I decided to have faith in God's plan but still found myself crying daily and just praying my baby would stay strong and be healthy. I had to change doctors again... because my doctor was moving out of state, so my follow up ultrasound was at the new doctors office, but I had to have an appointment first. I met with their midwife who was available that day and she decided to do an ultrasound to "rest my nerves" but instead it still was an empty sac. She told me maybe my weeks were just off and we would still schedule my follow up ultrasound but I still cried. There was supposed to be a baby by this point and even a heartbeat but instead nothing! Finally my follow up ultrasound, we had my mom go with us just to be safe because we knew if the ultrasound was as all the doctors had warned us, neither of us would be able to drive home. The wait in the lobby was excruciating, the walk to the room was miles long, and the moments between her starting the ultrasound and us seeing the screen seemed like hours. I laid on the bed and Dean stood next to me holding my hand and my mom next to him. The room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop, the nerves were high, and I held my breath. All of the sudden there was a sound. . . a beating. . . and the technician turned the monitor to reveal not only our baby but that the sound was the babies heart beat. We all started crying! I will never forget the technicians face, she was caught off guard, we told her what had happened the weeks prior and she started crying. She said she wished she would have known because she wouldn't have waited to tell us everything was ok! 

First Ultrasound

First time seeing our baby and hearing the heartbeat

The next 40 weeks were still eventful and we had a few hurdles to overcome but it was all worth it and we didn't care because WE WERE HAVING A BABY!!