If you know me you know I am usually the first to apologize, I don't hold grudges, I give everyone a second chance. . . And third . . . And fourth. . ., and I always continue to reach out and make an effort.
There is also a lot about me that people don't know. Things in my past that really effect me and make me feel insecure and weaker than I am. But over the last few years and especially last few months I have gotten tired of being the only one trying or being used only when other people are bored. Unfortunately this has resulted in me having to say goodbye to friendships but I have also made new friendships that are valued. I really appreciate everyone who takes time out of their day to see us or check on us and not because they have nothing better to do butchers they are making time for us and truly care. But i am still learning there are people that use me. I still have people that only make time for me when they have nothing else to do and if I am not available that day and time they get mad at me or people who never reach out to us or invite us out but expect me to invite them and constantly reach out to them. I am trying to not be used anymore but its never easy saying goodbye and I truly hate conflict and often try to smile and go alonWg with what other people want but now being a mommy I need to look out for my family and do what we want/need. Even if it does mean upsetting some people and standing up for myself.
I need to show my son how to be stronger, yes still be forgiving and understanding, but to have a voice and opinion. I guess it is my mommy instincts making me want to set a good example and I realize that by hiding behind others and allowing them to make all the decisions just to avoid conflict is not healthy.
I started blogging to hopefully help others find their voice but to also help me find my voice. I want to explain how I am feeling to give others the chance to understand my choices and also to help other mommies struggling know they are not alone.
Thankfully I have a strong support system who not only knows what I have gone through but helps me to grow everyday and realize I AM STRONG!
Growing in my faith over these past few years has began to help me realize all of this and grow into the mommy I am now. I realize God has a plan for my family and I will have faith in it. Every situation I encounter is a learning experience and a chance to grow stronger. I will no longer be a doormat that is only noticed when you have no other way to get the dirt off your shoes. I will see beauty in myself and every situation, I will grow and learn from every obstacle, i will be the kind of woman I someday want Dillon to marry, I will set a good example, and I will continue to forgive and give second chances but I will also voice my opinion and make sure I am appreciated.
A couple weeks ago my dad said he no longer worries about me because I have my mommy strength and I laughed at the time but it is so true. By becoming Dillon's mommy I found a strength I didn't know I had and an ambition to be a better stronger person for him.
Thank you God for calling me to be a mommy and for helping me to see my true potential and beauty in you.
http://youtu.be/uWi5iXnguTU
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