Where do I begin.

Through the entire process Dean and I stayed pretty quiet partially hoping it would all work out and we would be able to announce we were expanding our family. Even though we weren't trying for a third we would have loved to welcome another baby into this world. But that isnt what God had planned for us right now and even though we will never understand why it was so easy to conceive this little baby and then have to lose the pregnancy we are trusting he has a plan bigger than we can comprehend.
There were many reasons Dean and I didnt think we were expecting. I was still breastfeeding, I just started having my monthly cycle, we weren't trying, I had not missed a cycle since starting them in May, and we usually struggle with infertility. All of this made this whole situation that much more confusing.
July 2nd I started having what I thought was my 3rd monthly cycle since having Mason but I was thrown off because it was 2 weeks early. For the next couple days I had a feeling something wasnt right because it was a lot heavier than normal and I was exhausted.
July 6th I started having really bad clotting which is not normal for me but again since this is only my third cycle since having Mason thought maybe it was just my body still regulating but I told Dean I was a little concerned because this just wasnt normal. We agreed if it hadn't stopped by Tuesday we would take a pregnancy test just to be safe because it seemed as if I was having a miscarriage even though I had not missed a cycle.
Tuesday morning july 9th Dean went to work and I decided to take a test just to ease my mind because I was 99% sure I wasnt pregnant, we usually struggle with infertility and it has taken over a year to get pregnant each time we tried to have the boys so there was no way that us being careful and not trying to get pregnant would result in a pregnancy, right? Wrong. The test came back positive I called Dean and told him I thought I was miscarrying and I would call my doctor as soon as they opened. When I called my obgyn she immediately told me to go to urgent care.
Once at urgent care it just all became a waiting game. All the blood work showed I was pregnant but the ultrasound didnt show anything and I should be 6 weeks + 6 days pregnant by the dates. They decided maybe my dates were wrong (I knew they weren't having dealt with infertility I know to track everything). I was told to come back in 48 hrs for another blood test.
Thursday I go in and they said they expected my hcg to be falling to show I was having an early miscarriage but instead it went up by about 50%. They did another ultrasound but still could not see any viable pregnancy or any ectopic pregnancy in the fallopian tubes. They told me to follow up with my ob and hopefully by the next week my hcg would be high enough to see on an ultrasound. (Sometimes you cannot see a pregnancy until your hcg level is at 2500 I was at 900).
My obgyn had me do more bloodwork Sunday and then scheduled me to come in on Tuesday. Sunday my HCG levels once again went up about 50% so we were feeling hopeful for answers on Tuesday.
Tuesday july 16th I went in to my obgyn and she said she thought it could be a possible ectopic pregnancy with the amount of bleeding I was still having but there was still a 50% chance it would be a viable pregnancy and I was just too early to see anything. I didnt really consider ectopic pregnancy because I have never had issues with pregnancy once I was pregnant and didnt have any issues with my fallopian tubes when they did all the infertility testing. But what I found out was csections and abdominal surgeries increase your chances of ectopic pregancy. I have had two csection plus a laparoscopic surgery on my ovaries 5 years ago to remove ovarian cysts. Still at this point I was convinced it was just a miscarriage or maybe just maybe there was a chance somehow the dates were off and I was just too early to see anything. She sent me for more bloodwork and told me to keep my phone on me she would call as soon as she received it. 1 hour after the blood test she called and said the numbers only went up 35% if that happens 3 times then they consider it a miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy because it is not rising sufficiently so she told me to do more bloodwork thursday and then again sunday and go in for a follow up ultrasound Sunday but if I had any cramping, dizziness, or nausea go straight to urgent care.
Thursday I went for my bloodwork expecting another 35% or less rise only to have it go up over 50%. My doctor called and said she was really confused this isnt normal but there was still a good chance for a viable pregnancy to go in for the ultrasound on Sunday or if I started having any symptoms go straight in.
Around 8pm thursday night I was feeling extremely weak, nauseous and started cramping and just knew something wasnt right so we headed to urgent care. They did an ultrasound and still could not find anything but said the obgyn on call wanted me transported to the ER for further evaluation because at this point it was considered an ectopic pregnancy they just needed to locate the pregnancy since my hcg was at 2703.
I was transported by ambulance to the ER where they ran more blood work had me evaluated by the obgyn team and then ordered another ultrasound. I was frustrated because there were so many questions and yet nothing being found and you could tell they were frustrated as well because they knew something wasnt right but couldn't just go in blind trying to find it in surgery. The ultrasound showed blood in my abdomin and a lot of swelling on my left fallopian tube and ovary so they had me do more images and finally found the ectopic pregnancy in my ovary. The doctor said ovarian ectopic pregnancy are extremely rare (about 1 in 60,000) and with the amount of swelling it was hard to find it but they knew with the internal bleeding it was definitely ectopic and they needed to find it. I was given a bed in the trauma center and told it may be a few hours until surgery. Before I could even get into the hospital gown the OR called down and told my nurse they were sending someone to bring me up. Within 30 mins I was on the operating table.
I remember repeating it's all happening so quickly on the way to preop. We had gone 9 days of waiting and no answers to then 12 hrs in urgent care looking like we were still not going to get answers to suddenly having answers and being taken into the OR in less than 2 hours. There was no time to process or think about what was happening it just needed to be done because the internal bleeding needed to be stopped and they wanted the ectopic pregnancy out before it ruptured.
As hard as it was to play the waiting game and then have it all a race at the end I'm glad it went quickly towards the end because there wasnt much time to get nervous or to really dwell on everything that was happening. And I'm glad my doctors really took the time to figure out what was going on and didnt just schedule me for a d&c or give me the medication for miscarriage when they couldn't find it on the ultrasound but thought I was miscarrying.
God has a plan for our family and I know there is a rainbow at the end of this storm so for now I will trust in him and snuggle my two little boys as much as I can.