Finally answers and closure but also pain

We were surprised to find out we were expecting last Tuesday but the excitement wasn't there because we knew something was wrong. We went to urgent care and have been coming out to Loma linda every other day. Thursday night we went to urgent care for complications and they transferred me by ambulance to the ER. After all night of tests and various doctors we finally got answers. I know I'm skipping alot but I'm still processing and extremely overwhelmed and on no sleep.
Also love this hospital they have been amazing and my ER doctor and nurses just came and prayed with me before I go to surgery.
As they wheeled me in the OR it suddenly hit me. The OR looked identical to the one I had mooses csection is. The nurse didnt let me be put under immediately and said the dr was running to talk to me first. Sure enough she literally came running in. I completely fell apart and thanked her as I cried and she started crying as well. She reassured me there was nothing I could have done to avoid this and that just seeing how happy the boys are how she can see how much of a loving and good mother I was and how this baby is so lucky to have had me as a mommy to. The entire surgical room stopped and prayed around me which was extremely calming. I thanked her and thanked her she was incredibly cautious and kept doing more and more testing and without her I may not have found it. She held my hand and talked to me until the last second I was under being sure I wasnt laying alone in the cold sterile hospital room.
The hospital was also a huge blessing and everyone went out of there way to bend protocol to allow me to breastfeed Mason and have him by my side when I/he needed him/he needed me. I was determined to not lose this breastfeeding journey and lose a baby at the same time and they were all parents and completely understood. Even allowing me to breastfeed as being rolled into the pre anesthesia room to get prepped.
It's hard to grieve a baby you didnt know about until you were losing it but after 2 weeks of "hope" and back and forth that it may be viable it's also impossible to not fall in love and start imagining life with another little one. It also normally takes over a year of trying and various infertility medications to even conceive for us so it was so nice for once to not have all of the struggle and heart break to get pregnant but was 100x harder to lose a baby you already had Hope's and dreams for even if it was a surprise.
Sorry this is long, just venting as I struggle through the pain and recovery. They had to remove one of my fallopian tubes and found bleeding in my abdomen from the ectopic pregnancy that was pooling. But they saved my other fallopian tube and both ovaries which is a huge blessing. I dont know what the future holds for Dean and I and honestly we have both discussed being thankful for the beautiful boys we have and not trying for more kids and risking this again but at least the Drs gave me that option. I will post more of how we knew we were miscarrying later on. Right now I am in quite a bit of pain even though it was done laparoscopically the dr had to stretch the right incision to remove the tube and warned there would most likely be bruising and more pain which boy was she right. I'm excited to snuggle my babies a little tighter now and get back to being able to enjoy our lives and not be on stand by hoping/waiting but at the same time jumping at every twinge afraid it may be ectopic and rupturing and definitely over be stuck at home (the boys definitely have cabin fever).
Huge huge thank you to my family who always always have my back and have been there and continue to be ther every step of the way and who allowed me to be grumpy and snap at them on and off these past few days even though they didnt deserve any of it. And especially to Dean who while also experiencing a loss has been my rock and so strong through everything.
Also cannot say enough about my DRs and Hospital. Loma linda went above and beyond. This was truly a mystery and every dr I meant supported me and cried with me and was there for me with hugs and making sure I knew exactly what they knew and what they were doing even if they didnt even quite know. The location the pregnancy implanted was not only extremely rare but also hidden so my body did not make this easy on them. My daily OB even made a point to stop by in the OR during surgery even though it technically was the OR drs case just to be sure I was ok. My obs, ER teams, and chief residents on staff came to radiology while I was testing to review every image with the radiologist and have every eye on the exam to hopefully finally have answers something the tech has never seen. And the first ER doctor found me 12 hours after check in to follow up, cry with me, and pray with me as well. The level of care was above anything I could have ever asked for and God truly guided each one of the individuals I encountered and put them exactly where they needed to be when they needed to be there.
And finally thank you to everyone for checking up on, calling/texting, offering to help, praying, and honestly being more like family in a time when I was so lost and heartbroken.